Trials N Tresses

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Dating With PCOS: That Awkward Conversation

In a world where it is already difficult to date, dating with PCOS makes that much harder. Earlier in the year I revealed information about my condition, and shared my feelings on the how its affected my life. I received so much support and heard from so many women facing the same things I was. It was great. That post made me feel like what I wrote really mattered, and that I wasn’t alone in my struggles. The same feeling I had typing that post, is the same weary feeling I have now. So I push forward with it because I  hope that this post is also helpful for many others who feel that they are alone in their struggles.

Dating With PCOS: That Awkward Conversation

Quick recap for those just joining in on m PCOS journey, I’ve had PCOS since I was 20 years old… well I was diagnosed at 20. I’m sure I had it for many years before that as well, as I’ve always had an irregular menstrual cycle. But I digress. I’ve taken just about every natural remedy (not all… but a lot) to  try and get my hormones balanced. I know that my biggest step in battling PCOS had to be severe and permanent diet changes… and I am dreading making them but I know it is for the best. So as I am 8 months away from 28, I am in what we call “prime time seasoning” to start a family. The catch: I have to find someone to start a family with!

But when dealing with PCOS dating can become an unbearable thought without causing some form of anxiety. Why? Well the two “obvious” reasons are rapid embarrassing hair growth, and issues with weight. Women who suffer from PCOS don’t always have control over where hair grows and how quickly it grows on their bodies. That can be a source of embarrassment when you are starting to date someone for the first time. Besides that, weight control is a major issue for women who suffer with PCOS and when under more stress nerves and anxiety can get the best of us, on top of other PCOS related things we have to deal with.

My biggest concern and issue when potentially dating with PCOS: telling my partner I have it. I do struggle with minor weight issues, and very minor hair growth issues. What I do worry about constantly is whether or not I will be able to have children when the time comes. It seems unfair of me to enter into a relationship with someone, when there is a possibility that I will never be able to conceive. With the potential of the relationship to grow into more, I start to panic and feel that my partner has  the right to know what they are in for if they choose to stay for the long haul. My hormones have yet to ever be fully balanced for long periods of time, no matter what I have taken. Even on birth control my periods are extremely light, which is a constant concern for me. Do I start a relationship with someone and keep this heavy secret from them, or do I tell them up front and risk not even getting a chance.

The truth of the matter is, even though I go back and forth on this in my mind, I know what the right thing to do is. When dating with PCOS, or dating in  general you should always be upfront and honest with your partner. Informing them of the truth gives them the opportunity to decide whether or not they feel comfortable enough to handle PCOS head on with you in the future. It is a tough sucky situation, but that awkward conversation should happen sooner rather than later. The reality is if you do not tell them the truth about your condition, no matter how nervous you are, the feeling will get more intense and the secret will become harder to keep. Especially if down the line you find that your significant other really wants children, robbing them of their right to know the truth is unfair.

Oddly enough… you’d be surprised how many people out there are willing to stand by your side through the pain in the butt that is PCOS. During my year of revel … as I’ve so graciously started calling it, I’ve received nothing but support, love, well wishes and hopeful thoughts from every single person around me. While it doesn’t make everything easier, it does make some things easier. Being able to openly talk about it with friends, family and your significant other will help relieve the stress and anxiety building inside of you. This gives you the time and motivation to focus on kicking PCOS’ ass! And thats just what us PCOS fighters do… we fight non stop!

So overall, dating with PCOS sucks, having PCOS sucks, but that awkward conversation is a necessary evil if you are hoping to build something solid with someone else. And plus there is nothing a nice glass of wine can’t fix!

Have you recently had to tell your significant other or someone you are dating that you have PCOS?  How did you reveal the news? I’m always looking for tips and tricks to keep in my arsenal for later use. Share your stories in the comments below!

9 Discussions on
“Dating With PCOS: That Awkward Conversation”
  • I have PCOS. It runs in my family. I know that my mother (a mom of 3) has it and so does my cousin (another mom of 3). I have 1 son, which I had just weeks after my 17th birthday. That’s the only pregnancy I’ve ever had. I was diagnosed in my early 30s with PCOS and I’m now 35. I finally met the man of my dreams and decided to have this conversation with him upfront. He hadn’t heard of it before. I told him what I knew and then I basically sent him links to articles so he could read up on it in his time, and get a better understanding of all that it entails. I would love to eventually marry him and have at least 1 baby together, but if that’s not God’s plan, I will be more than happy treating his kids as my own. I’d do that anyway. No matter what, I trust God. Be encouraged! What’s for you is for you! Don’t let the enemy discourage you!

    • Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your story. I will keep you in my prayers and hope for the best for you and your future family!! 🙂

  • I can definitely relate. There was a point I was in and out of the doctor’s office because there was a possibility I had to remove one of my ovaries. Luckily, I didn’t, but the guy I dated seemed so insensitive when I was at one of my lowest points. Dating in your late 20s is already tough. Sometimes it’s a way for me to weed out the “bad ones”

    • OMG that is terrible! I definitely agree if my significant other doesn’t have the compassion necessary to get through this together than he can walk right out the door!

  • I was diagnosed in March of this year. I never thought it would be something I would need to discuss with a partner. I honestly am the type of person who brushes off things like they aren’t that big of a deal (I don’t know if that’s a coping mechanism) but I’ve always been this way, because I always tell myself I know things could be sooo much worse. Also, I take pride in being a tough girl when faced with trying times. (Not that everyone should react this way) So I wasn’t sad when I was diagnosed. Plus my doctor was so passive about it when she told me so I wasn’t alarmed until I did he research on my own. I realized, I do struggle with random pains, depression, unwanted hair, acne, weight gain and random bleeding but it wasn’t until I read so many stories by other women that are trying to conceive and are struggling that I realized this condition is really life altering. I want to be a Mom one day, I’m 29 & the thought that it may be difficult for that to happen scares me more than any of my symptoms. I’ve been single for quite a few years. I think it can be attributed to the fact that I’m a homebody & an introvert. Dating feels like a job, a task, and completely leaves me nerve-wrecked. In addition, I’m terrified of having my heart broken. So coupled with my “I just want to stay home” attitude, the chances of me meeting someone to even consider having a child with is slim to none. I know that’s something I need to work on personally and I will. I wouldn’t want to date me either! Lol but yes, I want to be a mom, it’s a dream of mine, one of life’s biggest accomplishments and I love children more than I can put into words. Having PCOS AND being 29 with no children or even a potential partner just makes me feel like it’s not in the cards for me. That makes me sad more than anything else. That “clock” of mine is ticking and the PCOS feels like a little devil that is just fast forwarding the little hands on the clock to speed up the countdown. Dramatic metaphor, I know, but that’s how it feels.
    Anyway, I just want to say God bless all of you with this condition. It helps having a platform to speak about it with women who know first hand what it’s like to live with this.

    • I’m so sorry. I can completely relate. I’m 27 and the chances are also looking a little bleak for me as well. I am so happy to share my story and to hear yours. It is important that we advocate for ourselves and speak up on this to shed awareness. I will keep you in my prayers!

  • I’ve has PCOS since I was 15 but wasn’t diagnosed until I was 19! I had crazy hair growth, especially on my back, but we used to laugh and say I got it from my dad. 😂😂 Fast forward to present day, now 25, I’ve been with my bf 3 years now. I told him from the beginning that I had a hormone imbalance so if he had problem with hair he shouldn’t waste his time. I think because I have had it for so long its just a normal part of me that I expect whomever I’m dating not to freak out about either. Either way, hopefully your future partner won’t mind the outward but love your inner beauty and the wellness of your body!

  • I have had the same struggle a few times. I have had situations where someone has played me for a fool and told me he wants kids and then changes his mind and leaves me. I have had someone tell me it was okay and then end up getting another woman pregnant and I have had men who are totally okay with the situation and support me. I think that many people over a certain age already have many kids and don’t want to worry about more child support and baby momma drama. It’s amazing how there are so many people dealing with our situation. I was 18 when i was diagnosed and have been struggling since. I am lucky that my current boyfriend is supportive and is positive about the outlook of possibly more vacations or money saved IF we don’t have a child. He tries to see the positive outlook and just lets me vent when I need to. All the off and on cycles, cysts that show up every few months and mood swings. O the dreaded moments you have to explain your situation to someone new 🙁

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