Being a real live single lady in New York in her 20s, is not only a shame according to society’s ideals, but is also a stressful game of keeping up with the Joneses. When you add in the fact that you are in your late 20s, then the equation has the potential to turn into a dangerous game of Russian roulette.
With dating sites like “Ok Cupid” and the lesser acceptable “Tinder” popping up all over the place, it seems we can’t seem to get away from the necessity of the chase. And in my fruitless chase I’ve realized a few crucial things along the way. Though every single man won’t fit neatly into any particular box or category, there are 4 particular types of men that are in heavy rotation. They initially seem to be what we are looking for, or interested in, but they all end in the same fashion: unattainable disappointment.
Here are the four types of men you will meet and probably want to avoid in the search for love in your 20s.
The Four Types Of Men You Meet In Your 20s +Want To Avoid
The Dreamer: Ah the dreamer, my favorite counterpart, and my biggest waste of time in my 20s. The “dreamer” usually fits most requirements that we subconsciously have on our “perfect man checklist”. A degree of some sort, which usually means they have formal education and can carry a decent conversation. They have their own friends so they are not consistently smothering you, but still plan cute dates outside of the “Netflix and chill” phenomenon. The “dreamer” always seems perfect until you reach the point in your relationship when you realize their whole life is nothing but a dream. There is nothing wrong with having dreams, it is what fuels us to progress and improve. However the “dreamer” is so deeply engulfed in their dream that they lose touch with the practicalities of reality. They often are terrible at differentiating failures with setbacks, and will often pursue one thing, or several things at one time without ever laying down a solid framework to achieve any of these dreams. The only thing the “dreamer” is really good at… is dreaming. I find the dreamer is also usually terrible at handling money, because of the constant financial investments into their dream. They are not so good at taking actions to actually achieve any of these dreams and therefore are often frustrated and disappointed with their lives. They feel as though the world is against them, and you as their significant other are forced to take on the “ride or die” persona, or be labeled as the non-supportive girlfriend. There is no in between, and you are left with two options. Either you ride it out with “the dreamer” in hopes that one day their dream comes true, or you give up and hope you aren’t the girl in the future that should’ve held on a little longer. The “dreamer” is usually not ready to move towards any serious commitment beyond the “girlfriend” title until they have fulfilled the part of them that they feel is incomplete. I don’t know about you but something about being a girlfriend for 10 years in my late 20s is a bit daunting. Proceed with caution at your own risk.
The Over Committed: Our 20s are certainly not an age where we should choose to waste time. I believe that we are a generation that gets lost in the “talking” phase for way too long and lines of status are often blurred. However the “over committed” man, is quite ready and willing to clear up that status immediately. I’ve only met the over committed man once, in my early 20s, and that one time was enough for me to always pay attention to the warning signs. The over committed man, just like the dreamer often seems very acceptable on paper. They have their own home, their own vehicle, and are pretty good at planning dates. I’m a sucker for a man who plans great dates. The issue that arises in dealing with the over committed man is they operate on fast-forward at all times. By your second date, you will be in a full time relationship, and by date five talks of marriage and children will be on the table. There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and going for it, but a normal courtship has no need to be accelerated.
The Under Committed: Usually the “under committed” man still has a bone to pick with what he thinks a woman’s position in society should be. And I mean that in the literal sense, as well as an innuendo for being a shameless cheater. The under committed man still feels as though he is a 18 year old boy sowing his royal oats to any woman that will allow him to. They are not “ready” and I cannot fault them for that. What I can fault them for is the necessity to enter into the “talking” phase or even worse the relationship phase when they know they are not “ready”. The under committed man doesn’t want you to expect anything from them. Don’t expect many phone calls, timely text message responses, or much time outside of the “Netflix and Chill” zone. The under committed man is definitely not someone you want to meet, but most importantly not someone you want to entertain in your late 20s. I dealt with more of this type in my earlier 20s during college. By the time I realized dates were really just turning into “come over and chill” the pre Netflix era, I hightailed myself out of that scenario.
The Joker: The Joker… is a really complicated type to describe verbally; because he’s someone you just have to encounter to figure out. But once you meet him, you will know. I was “fortunate” enough (and I mean that in the most sarcastic tone possible) to date someone who fit the mold for the “dreamer” and the “joker” at the exact same time. The joker is someone who is usually pretty quirky or funny so you will definitely be entertained. But there is very little substance beyond the surface. The Joker can also take on some qualities of the “under committed” man because everything, or mostly everything, is a joke. So texting back in a decent amount of time, making solid plans, having meaningful conversations… not likely to happen with this type of fella. So why do women even put up with a joker for any amount time? Well…. With the slim pickings out here, their large sense of humor tends to be a key factor. I’m very partial to anyone who can make me laugh, especially when I’m having a bad day. However when you realize you can’t have a conversation about why your day wasn’t going so well in the first place, that is a red flag. Is it impossible to get a joker to commit? No. But it’s not something I’d recommend wasting all your girl magic on.
While these generalizations definitely do not fit for every man, keep an eye out especially during the beginnings of a relationship to make sure it is going in the direction that you want, and not something you are settling for.