It is hard to believe that 2015 only has a few days left. As cliche as I may sound, I vividly remember December 31st, 2014 wishing that 2015 would bring more for me than 2014 did. I also prayed desperately that it would be much gentler. Now fast forward to the end of 2015, I’m in a much different mental space than I was a year ago. I’ve grown yes of course, but I’ve come to some pretty big realizations that I think I knew all along, but was too afraid to admit. In 2015, though I tried terribly hard not to, I turned 27. I became engulfed with goal setting, living life to the fullest, taking chances, being open to what life has to offer at any given moment. I also however became pretty obsessed with plans. Making plans, breaking plans and creating life plans for the next 10000 years apparently.
Now with 13 days left in 2015, I had to sit down and stop planning, and start reflecting. I realized many things about myself that I never stopped to think about or really care about. But I think focusing on the person I’ve become, the person 2015 has molded me into will set 2016 up to be a year that changes my life forever. So here are the 5 things I have learned about myself in 2015.
5 things I have learned about myself in 2015
1. I’m more sensitive than I care to admit to myself: A lot of things bother me. There I said it. If you were a part of my “real inner circle” (because I actually tend to believe that people that read anything on here are a part of some type of circle in my life} then “sensitive” wouldn’t be a word that comes to mind when asked to describe be. It sure as hell wouldn’t be a word I use to describe myself. However when I sit back and think about this year’s highs and lows, I realize that I am more than I like to admit sensitive to and about certain things in the solar system of my life. I care about things I didn’t used to care about, even when I still state that I don’t. I’m bothered by more than I care to admit, especially to myself. It is a hard pill to swallow being affected by things and people you really shouldn’t be, but if 2015 has taught me anything it is that I should just face the facts of reality and say what it is that I am thinking.
2. My fears became more abstract: In 2015 I did some real outrageous life changing activities. I pushed and pushed the limit further without ever really giving it a second thought. I started feeling FEARLESS, an even as I type this I laugh at my foolishness. It wasn’t that I was truly fearless, its that my fears became more abstract. Death defying activity didn’t cause fear, because my fears in life shifted. I became worried about my future, my goals, my legacy, where I would end up and who I would end up with. Priorities in life change as we age and 2015 was the year of that major shift. I’ve never been too preoccupied or focused on life beyond comfort. Now more than ever I fear that I won’t live a life that is monumental.
3. I’ve matured QUITE a bit: This tidbit actually makes me proud, and I can’t help but smile at the distance I have come from the person I used to be or how I used to handle things. Do I have quite a way to go in maturing… ABSOLUTELY! However the lives that have been spared because of the “turn ups” that DID NOT occur in these 365 days is pretty remarkable. In 2015 I thought about more than I acted on. I used to react quickly and in a volatile manner to most things that didn’t go my way. Now I’m much older, a bit wiser and really… just tired of “turning up” all of the time. Waving things off or letting them be as they are is my option of choice, because I realize I can not make the world bend to my desires. I can not force people to do as I wish, and I’m really only annoying myself by thinking I can. Therefore I focus more on controlling myself and my actions in all situations.
4. I’m pretty bad
ASS: I got a lot accomplished this year and achieved more than I could have expected. Yes I did have some goals that I wasn’t able to reach, but the list of what I did achieve is much longer. My time management alone has impressed myself. The amount of things I have been able to achieve, and get done while working full time, handling Trials N’ Tresses, maintaining a running schedule, and everything else life has to throw at me is pretty impressive. And while I’m certainly not bragging, it is crucial in life to take some time out to toot your own horn every now and then. So toot toot I really am pretty freaking bad ass when I think about it!
5. My Sentiments Are not Unique: This can be a hard or remarkable think to learn about yourself in general. And while I was pissed beyond belief that one of my closest friends couldn’t understand that he wasn’t the first to experience/feel certain things, I had to realize that myself. The world is not going to end, shatter or stop spinning because something bad has happened to me. A fun fact I had to learn and get over the disappointment in its truth. The things that I’ve done, said, experienced, gone through, overcome, failed to do…etc are all things that have been done, said and felt before.
Though my pain may be unique to myself, the experience is not newly created. Therefore increasing my communication has been such a beautiful release for me mind, body and soul. Instead of bottling everything up for the fear of burdening, scaring or hurting others I started to let my thoughts flow more freely in an honest fashion. And no that doesn’t mean rudeness. I adapted my communication with whoever would listen, and in doing so it helped build and rebuild many of my friendships that I thought would be over forever. I spoke, I listened and I learned. This left with me so little to regret because everything was laid out on the table. While I haven’t bared my entire soul to the world… it is something that I am working on. My anger, my trust, my heart all need to be released, even though it is dangerous, the reward is worth the risk.
What are some things you learned about yourself in 2015? Share your thoughts with us in the comment box below!