So… if you’ve been following on social media (which at this point… come on guys… we love you… come bond with us socially on all the social medias) then you’ve seen my response/reaction to the master cleanse. To be fair I’m writing this on day 3 and if I make it beyond day three… I won’t go any further than day 7.
I started the master cleanse on Sunday June 11th and today (Wednesday June 14th) I’m seriously thinking of ways not to lose my mind. The image above and the images throughout this post were taken the day before I started the cleanse.
I commend anyone who does this cleanse for the full recommended 10 days… and I especially commend any one who does this cleanse more than once. Because I know for a
FUCKING fact… I’ll never do this cleanse ever again. Honestly… after the experience with this cleanse… I may never even choose to cleanse again truth be told. But I’m getting ahead of myself… so let’s start from the beginning.
I Tried The Master Cleanse… And Here’s What Happened
What is the master cleanse: The master cleanse takes on several names (the Lemonade diet, the maple syrup diet) but most notably it is called the “Beyonce Diet”. She completed this ten day
torture diet as she was preparing for Dream Girls. She lost a record 20LBS in 10 days. MAGICAL right?!?!?
Uh… NO! But… I’ll keep going.
Ingredients Of the Cleanse: The cleanse really requires three main ingredients and two supplementary ingredients. Ready… okay. The main ingredients in this cleanse consist of: Lemons (and water), Pure Maple Syrup (which is expensive as f***), and Cayenne Pepper. You’re supposed to drink 6-12 glasses of this spicy lemonade throughout the day and NOTHING ELSE. That’s right ladies and gentlemen… the secret magical trick to this cleanse is… STARVATION.
But what are the supplementary ingredients you might ask? Well… sea salt and a cleansing detox tea. You drink a sea salt flush at the beginning of the cleanse (some sites recommend drinking it every day) and a detox tea every night. Second magical trick to this cleanse: LAXATIVES. Now… there are different types of laxatives with different strengths, however just like with the detox tea “magic” it’s usually based on Senna which is a plant used in most laxatives. So if it smells like a duck, sounds like a duck… it’s a duck.
The sea salt flush doesn’t use any other ingredients besides water and salt… and then brace yourself. You will need about 2-3 hours near a toilet (maybe more/maybe less). This is recommended in the morning time on an empty stomach. I did the salt water flush once and failed miserably. I don’t know if it was a mix of drinking too slowly, just having worked out, or improper salt measurements. Whatever the case may have been… it did not flush me. In fact… get this I became bloated after this flush because I had a belly full of salt! I was prepared to weigh more the next day after this miserable fail… so I didn’t even bother weighing myself.
Pros of the Master Cleanse: Rapid Weight Loss. That’s it. Seriously… there’s no real health benefits to doing this cleanse and the misery isn’t really worth this reward. Unless you have an impromptu photo shoot or event you need to drop tons of pounds for… I suggest going the old fashioned route.
Besides weight loss I will say that this cleanse did what it says it does in regards to energy. I didn’t lack energy (I did my best run while doing this dang thing), and my skin was glorious.
Cons of the master cleanse : Besides having to pee constantly, my mouth was literally burning with Cayenne Pepper.residue Even when I lowered the amount of Cayenne Pepper in the drink… I felt that the roof of my mouth and back towards my throat were affected by the constant pepper. I also had to use a straw ASAP because that amount of lemon drink was a sure fire disaster waiting to happen on the enamel of my teeth.
I didn’t face a constant hunger pain.. but I did yearn to chew quite often. And because of this I found myself thinking about food way more often than I thought I did. I also really really missed getting in the gym and lifting weights. Weight lifting is a big no no while on this cleanse but they do recommend sticking to cardio exercise if you’ve already been doing them in your normal routine.
Overall... I’m not even going to share how much weight I loss or after pics (pretty much because I feel like I look worse if not the same). I’m not sharing the weight loss because I really really don’t recommend this cleanse and don’t want you thinking that because I lost X amount of LBS that it was worth the struggle… because it wasn’t. I’ve been working out in the gym for six months and although the results haven’t been magnificent or quick (mostly because my eating habits are shitty) I have seen them. There’s something about working hard for your body that makes it that much more enjoyable to take selfies in my opinion.
So even though my abs may not be where I want them to be, I absolutely will not be doing another master cleanse in my life, and probably will never do a cleanse that restricts food in general. If I choose to ever do some sort of cleanse or detox again, it will be real and healthy and allow me to continue to work out regularly.
If you’ve had experience with the master cleanse please feel free to share with us below! Though … I promise you… you’ll never change my mind and if I never see another lemon a day in my life… I wouldn’t be mad.