In a world where it is already difficult to date, dating with PCOS makes that much harder. Earlier in the year I revealed information about my condition, and shared my feelings on the how its affected my life. I received so much support and heard from so many women facing the same things I was. It was great. That post made me feel like what I wrote really mattered, and that I wasn’t alone in my struggles. The same feeling I had typing that post, is the same weary feeling I have now. So I push forward with it because I hope that this post is also helpful for many others who feel that they are alone in their struggles.
Dating With PCOS: That Awkward Conversation
Quick recap for those just joining in on m PCOS journey, I’ve had PCOS since I was 20 years old… well I was diagnosed at 20. I’m sure I had it for many years before that as well, as I’ve always had an irregular menstrual cycle. But I digress. I’ve taken just about every natural remedy (not all… but a lot) to try and get my hormones balanced. I know that my biggest step in battling PCOS had to be severe and permanent diet changes… and I am dreading making them but I know it is for the best. So as I am 8 months away from 28, I am in what we call “prime time seasoning” to start a family. The catch: I have to find someone to start a family with!
But when dealing with PCOS dating can become an unbearable thought without causing some form of anxiety. Why? Well the two “obvious” reasons are rapid embarrassing hair growth, and issues with weight. Women who suffer from PCOS don’t always have control over where hair grows and how quickly it grows on their bodies. That can be a source of embarrassment when you are starting to date someone for the first time. Besides that, weight control is a major issue for women who suffer with PCOS and when under more stress nerves and anxiety can get the best of us, on top of other PCOS related things we have to deal with.
My biggest concern and issue when potentially dating with PCOS: telling my partner I have it. I do struggle with minor weight issues, and very minor hair growth issues. What I do worry about constantly is whether or not I will be able to have children when the time comes. It seems unfair of me to enter into a relationship with someone, when there is a possibility that I will never be able to conceive. With the potential of the relationship to grow into more, I start to panic and feel that my partner has the right to know what they are in for if they choose to stay for the long haul. My hormones have yet to ever be fully balanced for long periods of time, no matter what I have taken. Even on birth control my periods are extremely light, which is a constant concern for me. Do I start a relationship with someone and keep this heavy secret from them, or do I tell them up front and risk not even getting a chance.
The truth of the matter is, even though I go back and forth on this in my mind, I know what the right thing to do is. When dating with PCOS, or dating in general you should always be upfront and honest with your partner. Informing them of the truth gives them the opportunity to decide whether or not they feel comfortable enough to handle PCOS head on with you in the future. It is a tough sucky situation, but that awkward conversation should happen sooner rather than later. The reality is if you do not tell them the truth about your condition, no matter how nervous you are, the feeling will get more intense and the secret will become harder to keep. Especially if down the line you find that your significant other really wants children, robbing them of their right to know the truth is unfair.
Oddly enough… you’d be surprised how many people out there are willing to stand by your side through the pain in the butt that is PCOS. During my year of revel … as I’ve so graciously started calling it, I’ve received nothing but support, love, well wishes and hopeful thoughts from every single person around me. While it doesn’t make everything easier, it does make some things easier. Being able to openly talk about it with friends, family and your significant other will help relieve the stress and anxiety building inside of you. This gives you the time and motivation to focus on kicking PCOS’
ass! And thats just what us PCOS fighters do… we fight non stop!
So overall, dating with PCOS sucks, having PCOS sucks, but that awkward conversation is a necessary evil if you are hoping to build something solid with someone else. And plus there is nothing a nice glass of wine can’t fix!
Have you recently had to tell your significant other or someone you are dating that you have PCOS? How did you reveal the news? I’m always looking for tips and tricks to keep in my arsenal for later use. Share your stories in the comments below!
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Hey there! I’m Melissa, co-founder of Trials n Tresses, natural hair and beauty lover, binge tv watcher and lover of life. When I am not creating content for TNT, I’m busy teaching the future of society.